


Fluorescent Jeans

by seekingtomorrow



Series: A Feast for Bros [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Epic Bromance, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seekingtomorrow/pseuds/seekingtomorrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theon doesn't care what you think.  Loras Tyrell is fashion in motion and he'll be damned if he doesn't cash in on any of that.  Set in the "friday night and the lights are low" universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fluorescent Jeans

**Author's Note:**

> This is for everyone who was curious about Theon's stint with the skinny, fluorescent jeans. It's just a short, little ficlet, but kudos are appreciated!

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"

Jon Stark—nicknamed Jon Snow because Renly Baratheon was a self-proclaimed artistic genius who enjoyed ruining other people's lives for his craft—sighed. "No Theon. I am not seeing what you're seeing."

"Are _you_ seeing what I'm seeing, Robb?"

Robb Stark, glancing up from the brightly lit screen of his phone where he had been secretly texting his girlfriend, stared in the general direction of Theon's pointing finger. "I can't see a thing. This place is too dark."

"This kegger was such a bad idea," complained Jon. "We should've just stayed at home and watched that stupid soap opera Robb's so crazy about."

"Gossip Girl is _not_ a soap opera! And I only watch it because Sansa likes it!"

"Nice save," snorted his brother sarcastically.

"Guys!" Theon waved his arms frantically. "You guys aren't paying attention to me! Look!"

Robb and Jon exchanged exasperated looks. "We're looking." They said, monotone.

"It's _Loras Tyrell_ , you guys!"

"Don't tell me you're into guys now."

"Even if you were," Robb gave Jon a dirty look, "we would still accept you for who you are because we're your brothers and we love you."

"Don't look at him!" Theon yelled. "Look at who he's with!"

"A bunch of girls; yes Theon, we have eyes. Why are you freaking out?"

"Because he's _Loras Tyrell._ He's about as manly as Jon pre-puberty and he still manages to pick up the hottest chicks!"

"Do you have any idea how offensive that was to Jon and the entire female race?"

"That's not the point," Theon waggled a finger in front of Jon's narrowed eyes. "Look at what he's wearing and then look at the girls who're with him!"

"He's wearing neon green jeans," pointed out Robb. "And a purple fedora. That's hardly special. I have a pair of pants just like that, but perhaps a little less…"

"Fabulous?"

"Obnoxious?"

"…bright," Robb concluded happily.

"Yeah, so he's with some hot girls," Jon said. "Big deal. I'm sure that if we tried, we could get hot girls too."

"Jon, you shouldn't lie." Robb shook his head disapprovingly. "Fabricating the truth will only make you look foolish in the end."

"Imagine the kind of hot girls we'd get it if we dressed like Loras!" Theon mused, not paying attention to the growing anger emanating from Jon. "I could totally pull off neon skinny jeans!"

"Theon, I think you're getting the wrong idea. Even if we do get hot girls, I don't think they're going to like us for the reasons you think they will."

"Jon, Jon, Jon." Theon shook his head disappointingly. "Girls like guys who have good dress sense."

"Theon has a point." Robb nodded. "If I were a girl, I wouldn't want to hang around guys who looked like their mothers dressed them."

"Exactly!" Theon shouted.

"Theon," Jon warned. "I don't like where you're going with this. And Robb, you're being a complete hypocrite. You know mom dressed you up until junior high."

"I like Theon's idea!" Robb shot his hand up in the air. "That sounds interesting."

"Alright!" Jon threw his hands up. "I give up. This is going to blow up in your faces."

"You're going to come crawling to us for advice when you see all the hot chicks we'll be attracting."

Jon sighed exasperatedly. "You guys are going to get so friend-zoned, I don't know whether to make fun of you or genuinely feel bad."

"Theon, you're a genius."

"I know—wait don't you already have a girlfriend?"

Robb laughed nervously. "Of course! I'm just saying that it's a good idea. Nothing to fret over."

"That sounds ominous."

"I'm surprised you know what that means."

"We can't all be smart like you, Jon."

"Yeah well no one said you had to be stupid either. It's not one or the other."

Just then, Loras Tyrell passed by where the boys sat, looking irritatingly smug. Raising his red plastic cup, he made eye contact with Theon and winked; a smirk was present on his way-too-pretty-to-be-a-boy face.

"Hey Loras!" Robb shouted over the din, waving wildly.

"Robb! I'm so glad you guys could manage to take time out of your busy schedules to attend my little shindig," Loras greeted in kind. Stopping in front of the table, he bid his bevy of girls farewell; they sulked as he waved them away. "How are you fellows?"

"We're fantastic! We were just talking about you actually. Theon said—!" Robb wheezed as Theon elbowed him in the gut.

"Why'd you leave those girls?" Theon asked.

"You probably won't understand, but it gets so tiring having to entertain several ladies at once." Loras flipped his hair and pulled his presumably ringing cell out of his pocket.

Theon fumed; Robb and Jon had to practically constrain him in order to prevent a fight.

"Well, it looks like I'm needed elsewhere." Loras stood up and waved goodbye to the boys. "I'll see you fellows later." He swaggered off, tipping an invisible hat to every giggling girl who stared at him for too long.

"I hate that guy," Theon seethed.

"He has a way with the ladies." Robb murmured admiringly.

"I don't understand how you guys can't see how uninterested in girls he is," Jon muttered to himself.

"That does it," Theon thumped a hand on his chest. "I am going to buy myself a pair of pants just like Loras."

"I think I'll pass on this one. Sorry Theon," Robb said apologetically. "I actually like the clothing that mother buys for me."

"I'm definitely not doing this." Jon shook his head.

"You guys are just wimps," cowed Theon. "Girls are going to be all over me!"

_One week later._

"Theon, I really like your jeans!" Sansa gushed, clasping her hands excitedly. "Where did you get them?"

"Thank you Sansa. It has always been my dream that a teenage girl would appreciate my taste in fashion."

From where he was sitting on the family couch, Jon laughed out loud. "How did the pants work out for you, Theon?"

Theon puffed out his chest. "I got hit on."

"By whom? What crazy girl would hit on a guy who looks like he shoved himself into his little sister's jeans?" Jon asked, mouth agape.

"By Renly Baratheon and Loras Tyrell!" Robb chimed in helpfully.

"Robb!" Theon threw a couch pillow which Robb managed to avoid. "I thought you said you weren't going to tell!"

Jon could barely hold in his laughter. Doubling over, he wiped tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Don't say it," Theon warned. "Don't you dare say—!"

"I told you so!"

Theon let out a girlishly high-pitched shriek of rage and proceeded to stomp his way upstairs and into his room.

"Don't slam your door!" Their mother called from the kitchen. In the living room, Jon was laughing to the point where no sound was coming out of his mouth.

"Are you sure those pants aren't too tight?"


End file.
